My name is Lindsay and this is just so I don't feel guilty for not keeping a written journal...

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I'm going to NON-preach about self-image...

Mike left the house today saying, "I need to lose a few pounds."

I said, "Yeah, me too."

Fast forward a few hours when he walks in the house with Tillamook mudslide ice cream.

"WAAHOO!"  I shouted.  -Then it was just the sound of shuffling as we raced for bowls and spoons.

Now, after sitting for a bit, frustrated over my weakness and tight waistband, I thought I'd type out the conversation I just had with myself.


I've read a few articles and blogs about body image.  Words meant to inspire women to love and accept themselves as they are.  Saying, you are perfect JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.


BUT, I know what's in my head.

I miss myself, 20 lbs ago when I could run stronger and finding clothes I felt good in wasn't such a challenge.  I felt better, and not because I liked myself more, but I JUST FELT BETTER.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm not obese.  I'm not trying to exaggerate to get compliments.  But what I want to share is my confusion over telling ourselves we are perfect.

No we're not.

And I'm not talking about our bodies.  Well, not ONLY about our bodies.

I'm flawed.  My body doesn't function perfectly and part of the problem is my love affair with ice cream.  I can't lie to myself about it! 

Also I'm selfish.  I'm lazy.  I take good things for granted and too easily get frustrated over silly things.

These are just realities.

But I like myself!  I really do!

I'm fun and friendly.  I'm (usually) patient and down-to-earth.  I'm a bit creative and artistic.  I have stellar hair (that I should try to fix more often) and I have sexy feet.

But really, REALLY this whole conversation, in the end, is very self-absorbed, isn't it?

After I've read these articles, or had long conversations with myself, coming to terms with my current desires and realities connected to my fitness level/weight, I sometimes realize I'VE JUST SPENT HOW MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT MYSELF WHEN I HAVE A FRIEND WHO COULD USE SOME BABY CLOTHES FOR HER LITTLE ONE.  Or- I could be playing a board game and flirting with my handsome husband right now.  Or there's a gal down the street who might want some banana bread today.  Or there are fascinating books about world history, or the kids would LOVE it if I explored the yard with them...

For ME, I've found that the best antidote to negative body/self image is GOSH DARN STOP IT.

whatever your size, shape, fitness level, looks, abilities...

Because my happiest, fullest moments are not connected to me practicing self-love.  They were moments of loving outside myself.  They are moments that usually have nothing to do with me.

Now 1.  While I believe I'm not alone in this, I know there are those who struggle in their minds more than I can imagine and I don't want to sound like I have all the answers.

and 2.  This doesn't mean I'm ignoring the extra 20 lbs and becoming Mother Theresa.  I've got only 6 months left in 2015 to see if I can get a marathon in, and my medals are one of my shallow sources of happiness...

aaaaand 3.  The picture above looks like I'm peeing on the poor seal.  I know you thought that and I need you to know that I know.  I'm aware.  But my hair looks beach-sexy, doesn't it?

Saturday, June 20, 2015

hopes and dreams

"Brenda, why is your barbie on the mantle?"

"It's me when I grow up!"

"Oh, you want to look like Barbie?"

"No, I want to play video games FOREVER."

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