My name is Lindsay and this is just so I don't feel guilty for not keeping a written journal...

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

How do you say TEASE in Spanish?

 Guys, I've been somewhere MAGICAL.

When my parents offered to watch our kids and give us access to their flyer miles.  My first thought was HOW FAR AWAY DOES SOUTHWEST GO???

We picked Cancun, Mexico and the Gods smiled upon us. 

The only thing we saw in Cancun was the airport.  I'm sure the city is lovely but ADVENTURE awaited.

I can be reached for powerpoint presentation scheduling because, obviously, there's too much to share in just a blog post.

JK, I'll post more.  Eventually.

spoiler alert-  We even had some friends tag along.

I know, right?

Monday, March 13, 2017

patenting the slurpee patch

Listen, Melissa, I am well aware that you are, and have always been, cooler than me.

I mean, I can't ever recover from that time we stood in that museum, staring at large photographs of Monet's French home and I asked you "How the HECK did he paint these?  They look like PHOTOGRAPHS!".

I would keep that quiet, but you have other dirt on me.  I know you do.

 And it's not like I don't have dirt on you.

....Jesse with his black leather jacket?  6th grade???  (That sounds suggestive and I totally mean it to, but not in a bad way, -in a cute, we were just kids, sort of way.)

Anyway.  Before I start a big battle of who's dirt is the dirtiest, I am conceding.  YOU, my friend have eternal cooler-than-me status.  

Her - me

I feel the need to blog about this because you left FB and once again I'm all a-flutter thinking how cool my friend is.  (I would leave FB too, but where else can I get a steady diet of funny cat memes?)

Mandy, me, Isaac, Jamie, Melissa (with a cool injury)  (and BTW- this picture is NOT from '89.  I'm not THAT old)
In the past 15 years we've been in the same room maybe 3 times?  Maybe?  And you tell me about fun stuff you're doing with your friends and I'd feel envious of those jerks that have your time.

Well I have my friends, my friend.  Good ones, too.  Crazy ones that know ACDC, travel to exotic places and text me jokes during church.

See?  I'm good. 

me, Melissa, Sara, and ummmmm...

But, Melissa-san, I want you to know, that I know.  With your wombat jokes, hero belt-buckles and ...your, your ...pineapple tidbits.

Remember that?  I named your car???  It wasn't even a cool name but, being cool, you went with it.

good grief.  even your hair was cool.

When was it that you drove across the country, by yourself, in your old gray car?  Man, I was in awe.  Was I away, in school?  Still trying to get comfortable with the washing machines? 

Speaking of being in college, when I met my room-roommate I thought to myself-  It's another Melissa!  I get a Melissa!

me, Deb
Of course, in college, you had your lunch box. 

sisters- Laura, Melissa, Becca

and we crashed a country line dance dressed in disco-

temporary tattoos and handmade bell bottoms are so cool

 and dedicated much time to our prestigious education-



But going back further, I steal the show.

Check out the DOUBLE THUMBS UP.

 Here we were hanging off the seat of a couch and blowing bubbles?  I got you beat.

 Same time, same place, we're too cool to go hang out with the other kids in the dance...

Melissa, Penny, Me, a guy's legs
 Here is where I thought I was too cool, but am actually lame.  BTW- Hi Mandy, Ted and Isaac!!!

How fun are these pictures?

I don't want to admit how much time I've spent going thru my old photo books and scanning them in.  It'd be cooler if you thought I just whipped this up while riding on my skateboard, listening to Weezer.  

....I'm watching old episodes of Felicity while working on this.  Felicity, Melissa.  How dumb is that?  I'm going to switch to The Office soon.  This is too dramatic.  Drama isn't cool.

giving me bunny ears was a cool move, my friend
I still believe that Seal, when being kissed by a rose on the gray, means that he's being kissed on a moldy waffle.

I still like to justify unrighteous amounts of ice cream after short little bicycle rides.

I still think wombats are funny.

I've told many people about our Slurpee patches, so we need to look into that patent ASAP.

I still have the elephant stuff you made me.  The ceramics, posters, comics and buttons... 

I still remember you sitting quietly with me, in the school parking lot, after I had backed out of the garage, without first opening the garage door (shut up, we're all stupid at some point) and I was wallowing in the dread of my parents noticing.  Remember? 

a copy of a copy of a copy, but worth it to see us goofing off...

Don't feel less cool if you can't remember a lot of this.  I bet you remember stuff that is gone from my mind.  Or heck, maybe I'm making half this stuff up.

The sports-field shack!  Do you have pictures of your mural????  I just remembered that.

While concluding this coolest-of-cool posts, I promise not to get too mushy.  That wouldn't be cool.  But bear with me while I mush just a bit.

I adore us.  I adore all of our history.  I adore the stories and quotes and schemes.  I see my little girl goofing off with her goofy-cool friend and smile thinking-

She has a Melissa.  She's going to be just fine.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

I love the smell of okoume in the morning

In the car, brother-Kendall and I discussed politics.

We're both staunchly against socialism.  We both say "tsk tsk" and shake our heads to the republican choice of our new president.  I listen to Chris Wallace.  He listens to Glenn Beck.  We talk and talk and congratulate each other on being correct.  Good times had by all.

The first guitar shop was alright.  The Taylor should've been marked down due to the weird wood flaws on the front.  (I didn't say it at the time but they looked like tiny nipples, right where you'd expect nipples on a guitar)  I could've gotten over the bare-chest if it was a steal-deal...

Second shop was Kendall-heaven.  A cozy room with walls covered in vintage/expensive guitars for his playing pleasure.  Nothing for me there, but they had a restroom sign that made me laugh.  Just this picture of a lady who looked really excited. 

Why was it funny?

Back in the car we discussed kids and church and tv.  I'm thinking of going back and rewatching Malcolm in the Middle and Kendall is reliving Seinfeld. 

Third shop- blah.  BUT.  They did have this on a shelf.

White Elephant gift?  That's what she said.

(Me.  I said it.)

Here's what's fun.  You get Kendall talking about music theory and then sit back with something to sip on.  I didn't put ice in my Dr Pepper for two reasons.  One, more drink.  Two, I read once that ice in those machines is FILTHY with germs.  (Something about how it's loaded and not cleaned?) ...Probably not universally true but there I was with a room-temp drink, discussing music with a fellow musician.  We were so deliciously sophisticated. 

BTW- Music is magical and AMAZINGLY structured.
There's a rhyme and reason to it that boggles the mind.

Fourth shop is where things picked up.  I met a Breedlove and could see us growing old together.  We shared a moment and I found myself going back to her every few minutes for just another taste.  Am I ready for commitment?  Is this the real deal?

FIFTH shop.

More guitars.  I try a Guild, another Taylor, another whatchamacallit....

But like all love stories there was a moment of reckoning.  A moment where our heroine has that "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a guitar, asking it to love her" conversation.  "Is that you, Breedlove?  You come here also?  I, I, uh, I can't seem to quit you.  You ...complete me."

I can't remember what all Kendall and I talked about on the way home but I do remember the little, stolen glances to the back seat.  We sang and harmonized the chorus to "Closer to You" by Brandi Carlile and my back-seat sweetheart got a little preview of my awkward singing.

She loved it.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Suzie 8.0

I just found pizza crust stuck to the underside of my keyboard.  No wonder it was wobbly.   

...Thanks Garret.

So.  When upgrading from your 7.0-Suzie to the 8.0-Suzinator keep in mind that the 7.0 model is still intact.  Basically, she's just bumping her Suziness up 12.5 percent.  This will be apparent mostly in sound levels, energy, temper, sweetness and Nutella-intake. 

The upgrade process itself will require a few additional downloads including: 3-little-munchkins, ice-skates, chicken-nuggets and cookies.

Download cookies HERE

The following day, when checking out your new 8.0 Suzie, you may be surprised to find that the upgrade is still loading.  You may want to just set aside your entire weekend.

Now here's the big deal about Suzie 8.0-

She is eligible to be baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Don't forget this part.  Don't forget how she smiled and was reverent, even when nervous about being in the water.  Don't forget about her hugs and soft/shy comments.  Don't forget how your brother shared his testimony of the Holy Ghost, and how the room was filled with friends and family.  Don't forget how your prayers were answered with calm kids and safe travels in a snowstorm.  Don't forget the joy, peace and love.

Enjoy it.  Remember it.  Love it!

Love you Suzie 8.0.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016







This is the life.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Something has happened to Brenda

The norm, for the past 8 years, was to just mention Halloween to Brenda and suddenly our world was all aflutter.  Decorations went up just days after the new school year began.  Different costumes were brought to school nearly every day of October.  Conversations all revolved around candy, pumpkins, parties...  You get it.

Something has happened to Brenda.

I blame Katy Perry.

I fully acknowledge that childish-Halloween ended, for me, after I was twelve, as it does with many kids.  BUT.  This wasn't supposed to happen to my kid.  Hey!  What's autism for, if not to let me enjoy my kids' youth a little longer than normal???

She hasn't even glanced at the decorations that Suzie and I put up.  She shrugged and mentioned she'd wear the costume she used at girls camp, when asked.  When bringing up her birthday, she just lets me know what she wants from the store.  No talk of her annual Halloween/birthday party that she's obsessed over for nearly a decade...

Nope, she just wants to play video games and listen to her "girl pop".

I feel helplessly robbed.

So to lash back, in justified, parental vengeance, I'm going to expose Brenda for the child she is.

Last month, I took Brenda, Suzie and two cousins to the movies to see Finding Dory.  I was parked right outside the small theater as they came out and could see that Brenda was struggling to compose herself.  The (spoiler alert) happy ending had completely brought Brenda to sobbing, gasping, tipsy tears.  She declared it her favorite movie that she would never watch again.  ...Now she's asking for the dvd for her birthday...

getting in the car post-movie

How does this expose her as a child?  Um.  I guess I'd have to call myself a child after sobbing at the end of North and South (the one based on the book by Elizabeth Gaskell, not the war movie).  But my movie is adult.  It has adult stuff like history and death and philosophy and politics and relationships...  and I sobbed in the privacy of my dark bedroom.  And and and..  And Dory is silly and cartoon.  ...nevermind the family and love and courage...  Oh, and I cry at the end of Wreck it Ralph.

I feel my argument crumbling.

Well crud.

My kid is growing up. 

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