adulting

As I was watering my garden today (yeah, I do that sort of thing.  impressed?) I was wondering why poop dirt is good for plants.  That stuff is the body's rejected stuff and we're going to eat the results.  Oh yes.  We're eating this stuff so I can shout it from the rooftops.  I AM A GARDENER!

Tomatoes, cucumbers and potatoes.  I feel so arrogantly resourceful.  Like on Father's day I made a mixed berry pie.  From scratch, crust and all.  How immediately I assumed I was now a professional as the pie was perfection.  ...A week later I again pranced to the kitchen to sprinkle my pie magic.  It ended up crap and I was confused.  ?!  ...I'm ...not?  not a professional???  I hung my head and left the kitchen.  Back to the cereal bowl.

I love me some cereal.

Don't buoy me up.  Don't pat me on the back and tell me to keep trying.  I'm too distracted watering my GARDEN.  Did I mention I'm a GARDENER????  It's my first real try, in the ground and everything.  My other failed attempts were in pots and such.  ...so unprofessional.  We professionals get our knees dirty and our backs sore as we commune with mother earth.

I called my friend every few steps of this most impressive endeavor.

"Hey!  I've weeded!  Come see my dirt!  ...What do I do next?"

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"Hey!  I got the compost!  I went with the chicken poo!  That ok?  ...What do I do next?"

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"Hey!  HEY!  ...Do these things need water?"

 I took a personality test once that used questions to help you find your niche.  The question that broke the camel's back was "Do you ever wonder when you're going to actually grow up?".  I was type ONE!  Then the test told me that as a #1 I should embrace my ridiculousness and enjoy that part of myself.

So, soon you'll all be invited to enjoy my professional poo-tomatoes.  I'm pretending to adult.

controversial cookies

Garret just came into my room carrying a cookie.  He paused, looked down, and for a moment it was just him and the cookie as he slowly turned the cookie back and forth, gazing and studying.  

He took a breath.  

Smiled.  

-dropped the cookie into my dirty clothes bin and scampered away.  

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He's back!  

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...No notice of the cookie.

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I'll keep you posted.

So I keep hearing/seeing about some gorilla?  What happened?  Am I supposed to have an opinion about something?  I think Facebook has failed me on this current event.

I will get some controversial stuff out of the way tho.  

Ready?

LADIES.  LISTEN UP.

1) If a man walks into a lady's room you cannot question it.  That is being judgy.

2) Women need to forget the fact that rapes occur every couple of minutes.

3) Women are protected by the fact that rape is already illegal.  Duh, every rapist knows this.

4) Never mind the war on women, .3 percent of the population is uncomfortable. 

OK WHAT ELSE

Can we stop with the "another day and I didn't use math" quotes?  The skill of math translates to the skill of critical and logical thinking.  Not just with trains and apples but LIFE!  YAY MATH!


HMMM...

There's a gal on Facebook that I debated with last year, about the legalization of pot.  We were both polite and gracious as we shared our thoughts but I felt I nailed it when I took the same arguments for pot and used them for the country-wide legalization of prostitution to make my point.  She said that will never happen.  I bet her a bundle of cupcakes that it'll be pushed for within the next 15 years.  I need to track her down and tell her to start preheating her oven...

Speaking of dessert.  The cookie still sits but a sock has been stolen.  ...I know you were wondering. 

HERE WE GO-

Abortion is evil (the act is, not the person) and only an option in the rarest of circumstances.  I shudder knowing that I could defend the truth all the live-long-day and millions will still say that people have the right to kill for no good reason.  War on women?  no no no no.  War on human life.


MORE POLITICS!

The more we embrace socialism the more we're going to run into these situations where the federal government tells us how to run our schools, run our businesses, run our homes, run our lives -while dangling our ever-precious funding over our heads.  Sadly, the truth is that the power is where the money is.  Our government does a lot of good, but next year we'll most likely have a corrupt liar or a buffoon, surrounded by yes-men, running the white house.  If there ever were more a reason to avoid socialism...

p.s. I know some wonderful, efficiently-run, very productive charities you can give to if you have been chasing socialism for the sake of caring for your neighbor.  Caring for our neighbors is OUR job, not some suit in an office with piles of federal red tape and paperwork.

Don't let me forget about the cookie.  I've seen what chocolate does in the washing machine.


HERE'S A GOOD ONE-

Pornography is wrong.  It is not a gender issue.  It is damaging to everyone, everywhere.  It is not up to women to cover up.  It is not up to men to look away.  IT IS UP TO EVERYBODY to dress and carry themselves in a way that says were are people, not objects.  IT IS UP TO EVERYBODY to look away, avoid, and reject material that encourages the monstrous industry.  Pornography may already be commonplace.  It may already be a well-oiled machine.  That does not mean we shrug and accept.  We teach with love and truth.  We share and forgive and help and make-aware.  We are better than porn if we choose to be.

ARE YOU GETTING STEAMED UP YET???

Why?  Why are we so angry?  Can convictions exist without anger?  Of course.  (I just called Clinton a corrupt liar and Trump a buffoon.  whoops.)  Can we hear others' views and not be offended?  Of course.  Instead of using anger and offense as a weapon, let's use our dignity and moral foundations to stand for what we believe.  I know that the cookie should not go thru the wash, but no amount of anger or fighting will get it out of the hamper. You can disagree with me but please, let's stay civil as I do what I can to retrieve the cookie.  Me getting that cookie does not mean I hate anyone who would machine-wash chocolate chips.  ...I may think you're a weirdo.  ...Let me know how that load turns out when we go out to lunch, you weirdo.

SO VOTE!

SPEAK UP!

BE KIND!

CHERISH LIBERTY!

KNOW FROM WHERE YOUR STANDARDS COME AND STAND BY THEM!

STOP BEING OFFENDED -IT ONLY AGES YOU!

AND DON'T EAT COOKIES THAT HAVE SPENT THE LAST 20 MINUTES IN THE DIRTY CLOTHES BIN!

time me...

Hello!

So!  Where were we?

Let's start with Garret.  At school he is working on brushing his own teeth and folding laundry.  ...2 things I do for him at home so I guess I am now officially an enabler.  Shame on me.  He just got new shoes and LOVES the new Star Wars movie.  Right now he's in my bed humming himself to sleep...

Brenda, after seeing the new Star Wars, declared it TERRIFIC and AWESOME, then said, thru happy tears, that she would NEVER watch it again.  (She did once more as she transformed a barbie into Rey.)  Her obsession lately is "girl pop" and if she likes what she hears, she'll most likely let you know that "this is her jam".  She is currently forcing the cat to do a "face-swap" photo...

Suzie still can't decide how to spell her name but she's got everything else figured out.  ....Except for a few concepts she brought up in the car yesterday.  "Mom?  How does a baby hole close after the baby comes out?"  (This was after we talked about Darla, one of our cats, having kittens)  She is glued to the tv right now.  Wild Kratts.

Mike?  STAR WARS.

Me?  COOKIES.

...Caught up!

Christmas noodle poster

Brenda, all on her own, raided my sewing closet (she's not supposed to without me) and sewed a heart onto one of her old shirts.  She whispered to me, asking me to hide it for Suzie, for Christmas.

Then, later while eating spaghetti, she gave her noodles voices.  

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...They were begging for mercy.

A week ago she dressed for church in a green dress with red leggings.  Then, digging thru the Christmas craft box, she made herself a candy cane ribbon headband, a santa-ribbon belt, and pinned her favorite little stuffed animal to her front.  Because he loves Christmas too...

 

Speaking of church, while sitting in a class, Brenda suddenly exclaims "IT'S SOOO LONG!".  Luckily I was able to smother her halfway thru the sentence, but nearby folks chuckled and seemed to sympathize.

**This is just your friendly neighborhood reminder that Brenda is the arc in my eye-roll, the snort in my laugh and the Tim Curry in my Oscar.**

...Wanna see a Christmas present I made her?

I'm thinking a poster print.  A BIG one.

Pooh test

So apparently, when searching online for the Winnie the Pooh personality test, it is very hard, nay, impossible to find something that's printable.  Even then, most of them are more about emotional issues and the various medications needed...

Come on!  This is sweet, innocent, childhood nostalgia!  Let's have some fun with it!

I recently volunteered to prepare a personality test for our church dinner activity.  The plan was to have a simple test at the tables, for fun conversation, then use the results to form groups for Family Feud.  The Winnie the Pooh would be perfect!  But after spending endless time searching online, I donned my doctor hat and wrote one myself.

It turned out cute and, knowing there must be others out there, searching, yearning...  I figured I should share this-

disclaimer- Even with my hours of online study, I am not a doctor.  I know nothing.

I am mostly Tigger, with a bit of Pooh, according to this most professional test...

So go ahead and print this!  Have fun!

You're welcome all you similar searchers.

And I have no rights to Pooh stuff.  ...Is this legal?


P.S. I left out other characters because I'm lazy and because these 5 were the common 5 in all the online tests.

By it's fruits ye shall know October.

A couple hours ago I swore off dairy.  I've done this before, but this time I didn't reward myself, 6 minutes later, with eggnog.  I think I'm winning.

Brenda's barbies were included in the Halloween festivities.

Mike is suddenly way into 70's music.  Don't get me wrong.  It's great.  ...but not like him.  I mean, what's next Mike?  Are we dabbling into the early stages of a mid-life crisis? 

Suzie draws cats on things like dogs territorially pee on trees.

I've been watching 'Dear Genevieve' on Netflix and sometimes I'm a righteous snob thinking "People put too much "need" into expensively decorated homes" and the rest of the time I'm just an everyday snob thinking "I need an expensively decorated home". 

another Halloween/birthday party success!

There's a stray cat and her 3 kittens living in the bushes across the street.  Brenda didn't hesitate to name her Darla and claim her as Shawn's girlfriend.  I am starting to see my future as a crazy cat lady and I'm not hating it...

Halloween parties for adults are a grand idea.  Hillary and Donald approve this message.

Mike just came in, read over my shoulder and said that my first couple sentences don't make sense.  I'm going to stay true to my inner self, follow my bliss, abandon the reigns of my beautiful soul, and other profound mumbo jumbo, and just let that crap land where it may. 

I will do something for Mike, tho.  He wanted me to mention our new endeavor.  We are now podcasters seeking FAME!  So, if you are curious-about or interested-in boardgaming we'd love for you to ignore our horrific grammar, broken up with nervous laughter, and give us a listen.

Here's the link


And now, one last picture.

the opposite of a "duck face" should have a name....